Rusty’s Weekly Howl (Conscience)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rusty’s Weekly Howl (The Boxer)

The Wednesday Howl

The Boxer 

Man to dog trainer: “Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner.”
Dog trainer: “That’s OK, he is a Boxer.”

Rusty’s Weekly Howl (The K-9 and the Blond)

The Wednesday Howl

The K9 Patrol

The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.

Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash the blonde ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, ‘I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!’

The Wednesday Howl (Doggie Pledge)

  • I will not eat the cat’s food, before or after they eat it.

  • “Kitty box crunchies” are not food.

  • The computer’s mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.

  • I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

  • I will not play tug o’ war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

  • I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

  • I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.

  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, so my people will think I am dying.

  • I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

  • I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose in her ear.

  • I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.

  • I will not throw up in the car.

  • I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for mom’s driver’s license and car registration.

  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.

  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur “before” entering the house.

  • I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

  • I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.

  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

  • Ditto for door knocking

  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.

  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

  • Ditto for our guest’s crotch.

  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

The Wednesday Howl (Talented dog)

 The Wednesday Howl

Talented Dog

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog “the sign says you have to be good with a computer.” The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said “yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual.”

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, “Meow!”

A lot of Work For One Good Picture

Boy did mom take a lot of pictures to get one or two good ones for the Happy Valentine post on Saturday. Here are some of the rejects.

img_0635

 

 

Riley: Look! new toys! Lets play!

 

 

 

 

 

 

img_0637

 

 

Rusty: The sooner you pose for mom, the sooner we can get out of here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

img_0639

 

 

Riley: But I want to play!

Rusty: No. You have to pose! Now!

 

 

 

 

 

img_0652

 

 

Riley: Let’s do profiles! I like my left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

img_0653

 

 

Rusty: If we do profiles, we’ll do right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

img_0654

 

 

Riley: But I want left!

 

 

 

 

 

 

img_0644

 

 

 

Riley: I’m not taking a picture by my self, I outta here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

img_0643

 

 

 

Riley: I said, I’m outta here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

img_0649

 

 

 

Riley: NO MORE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

img_0645

 

 

 

Riley: OMD! Get that flashy box thing out of my face!

 

 

 

The Wednesday Howl (Seeing Eye Dog)

The Wednesday Howl

Seeing Eye Dog

Two men are walking their dogs, a poodle and a german shepard. They decide they’d like to go into a bar for a drink. “But we can’t bring out dogs into that bar,” says the poodle’s human. “Hey, no problem,” says the german shepard’s owner. “Just watch this.” He pulls out a pair of sunglasses and walks into the bar. “Hey, no dogs!” yells the bartender. “But this is a seeing eye dog,” says the german shepard’s human. The bartender apologizes and shows them to a chair. So, the poodle owner decides to follow suit, whips out his sunglasses, and walks into the bar. “Hey, no dogs!” yells the bartender. “But this is a seeing eye dog,” says the poodle’s human. The bartender objects, “Hey, poodles can’t be seeing eye dogs!” The poodle owner gasps, “Poodle? They told me they were giving me a german shepard!”
 

The Wednesday Howl (Dog Dictionary)

The Wednesday Howl

A Dog’s Dictonary & Guide

Leash: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your owner where you want him or her to go. Make sure that you are waiting patiently with leash in mouth when your owner comes home from work. This immediatly makes your owner feel guilty and the walk is lengthened by a good 10 minutes
.Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface, such as a white bedspread, newly upholstered couch or the dry cleaning that was just picked up.
Drool: What you do when your owners have food and you don’t.To do this properly, sit as close as you can, look sad and let the drool fall to the floor or better yet on their laps.
Sniff: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs or those people that sometimes smell like dogs.
Garbage Can: A container your neighbors put out weekly to test your ingenuity. Stand on your hind legs and push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with food wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, moldy crusts of bread and sometimes even an old Nike.
Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The rider swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
Thunder: A signal the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following at their heels.
Wastebasket: A dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house. This is particularly fun to do when there are guests for dinner and you prance around with the contents of that very special bathroom wastepaper basket!
Sofas: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean. If there are people sitting on the couch just include them as a handy wipe.
Bath: A process owners use to clean you, drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.Lean: Every good dog’s response to the command “sit,” especially if your owner is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
Love: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction, shared by you and your owner. Show it by wagging your tail

 

Working with the Snuggle Puggle (3)

100_1069My work this week for Eduardo  included snuggling with dad so he doesn’t feel left out!

Rusty’s New Years Resolutions

101_1778
Hi!  Did you make any resolutions? I did. Well actually mom insisted on some of them being added. See if you can tell which ones she wanted.

1. I will find my waist.

2. I will study the doorknob more closely and see if I can figure out a way to use it by  myself. (This is from last year, studying hasn’t helped.)

3. I will teach Riley to quit snuffling Dallas so much and let him walk in the door in peace. I’ve quit this already, so now Riley has to.

4. I will be more diligent in scattering my toys handily throughout the house.

5. I will not get too close to  mom and dad when they are eating dinner so they won’t say the “Park It” command. I hate parking it! Riley on the other hand isn’t even trying act nice while they are eating!

6. I will continue to keep an eagle eye on the squirrel menace in the backyard.

7. I will continue to destuff toys.

8. I will not hide milkbones in corners in the living-room.

9. I will find better places to hid my milkbones so mom will not come along behind me and pick them up. ( hope she doesn’t see this one)

10. Fun, I will try to find it an all situations, or interrupt not-fun situations with fun!

11. I will not gobble down my dinner and breakfast. Unless Riley finishes before me.

12. I will help Riley learn to poop while he is outside and not come inside to poop.

13. I will play tug-0-war everyday with Riley AND mom.

OK I think that’s enough. Mom is getting a little pushy here.  Did you pick out which were the ones she made me put in? The NOT FUN ones.